4 weeks ago I didn’t know if I’d be alive this time next year. Today I feel like the luckiest guy alive. The last two months have been the wildest, most beautiful rollercoaster.
I want to share this story of surrender and community — the two superpowers that have transformed a terrible situation into a breakthrough for me personally and for Endlesss, the company I founded.
This story is for anyone facing adversity. There is no limit to how hard it can get but you’ll be amazed at your power to make it through. Never give up, but always surrender.
As a startup founder & CEO I’m used to having a dozen guns to my head at any one time but this hit different.
At the end of July, doctors found a tumour in my bladder. They thought it was low risk and would be treated with a simple operation under general anaesthetic.
I had that surgery at the end of August. The surgeon came by the ward to talk to me the day after. He’d removed a much larger than expected tumour which looked to have spread. His bedside manner was encouraging but I could tell he was preparing me for a fight which I could lose. He wouldn’t give me numbers but I googled the survivability rates — about a 50/50 chance of being around in 5 years’ time.
The week before my surgery, my partner and I and our 8-month-old twin daughters had been staying with my parents. The hospital had just told my dad they were withdrawing treatment for his metastatic prostate cancer. Within days of this news he was unable to get out of bed and barely able to speak. On the balmy late-August evening before I returned to London for my surgery I said goodbye to him, prepared for that to be the last time.
A few days later, my family and I would be preparing for the possibility of a similar outcome for me.
5 days after my surgery we returned to my parents’ house. Thankfully my dad was still with us. Monday morning came around and I jumped on team standup at my makeshift desk (my mum’s makeup table).
I was determined that whatever happened to me, Endlesss would continue its quest. We were in the middle of a fundraise in a challenging market and about to launch a new product which builds on everything we’ve learned over the years. It was a sensitive time but it was all to play for. Above all, what we’re doing at Endlesss is the highest expression of my purpose, a torch I couldn’t bear to let go out.
I’d told the team about my condition when I first had my diagnosis, and that the prognosis was nothing to worry about. Now I was searching deep inside for seeds of hope to uplift the team amidst this new reality.
But I came up with nothing. I hopped on the call and shared a short and upbeat update that the surgery had gone well (technically it had — they’d removed everything they could see). Then I sank back in my chair.
I’m no stranger to feelings of hopelessness in the brutality of an early-stage startup. It’s part of the game but there’s always an action to take. You take those days one at a time. It’s a great lesson in reality being different from how you feel about it. There’s always a way through if you look hard and act.
With my dad in his hospital bed downstairs and my daughters awakening to the wonders of the world in the room next door, it was no time to give up. I contemplated how we could get through this, whether we could even continue the fundraise in this new reality, how I could make sure the team would have jobs and my family would be taken care of if I didn’t make it.
It seemed impossible in a way I hadn’t experienced before.
What has unfolded between then and now has underlined the power of community and the amazing things that can happen if you ask for help. There’s too much to pack into one post but it felt important to get started. I’ll continue the story over the coming weeks. The only spoiler: I’m going to have a busy year of medical procedures but it looks like my daughters will get to have a dad and I’ll get to continue my life’s quest.
If you want to support or get involved, pop your name down on this list. As I’ve learned over the past few weeks, asking for help is a powerful thing. Now we have a bit more clarity on my health, we’re picking up our fundraising activities for Endlesss again and most exciting of all we’re rolling out Clubs in a few weeks time.
Clubs are online spaces for communities to hang out, communicate and make music together. The thing I’ve spent my life doing, it seems…
I’m going to start my own one and you’re invited. Sign up for news about how to join ahead of time on this list.
